Update

I know I haven't posted in a while. College has already started and it is kinda freakin me out. I mean, really. Actually I don't want to go into details, but as a matter of fact it looks like this is going to be a lot of work. During the semester, I have like three papers and three presentations to come (there might be another paper or presentation I don't know about yet though) which I have to pass to be allowed to take my eight finals at the end of the semester. Eight. Usually I used to neglect studying during the semester, but it won't work this time. If I did that, I would suffer from a mental breakdown in January. Thus I will keep studying and putting stuff into my brain, starting now.


Two more days, and part of my family from the states is here in Germany. Woohoo! I haven't seen them for more than a year which is way too long! I can't wait to see them; of course I can't wait to meet my cousin Lora's baby Lily Alexandria. She's exactly eight months old today.
At least Lora has a blog so though we are thousands of miles apart, we can still take a look at the baby. :)

Speaking of being apart, it's been a month and sixteen days now since KJ is gone. My moods still change a lot... there are days when I am distracted a lot, keep these sometimes scary thoughts away and I feel alright. But there are other days when everything seems to be such a mess. I still cry when I get to talk to him on the phone, mostly when it's time to say goodbye again. He gets to call like once or twice a week, and we write letters back and forth. I always sent him something with my letters (on which I sometimes spray my Victoria Secret Vanilla Bodyspray he likes so much) , like good german chocolate, books and CDs. Though is when you wake up at night, thinking somebody is laying next to you, then you turn around and only see an empty spot. It's tough to be apart from someone you love, but at least I know I will see him again. When everything goes well and the Army doesn't fuck up again, he gets leave from March 1st to March 15th which would be absolutely perfect because I would still enjoy my semester break then. So keep your fingers crossed! :)

I don't have a lot of people who are there for me though. Mostly I think they just don't understand. Since I don't expect a lot of people to understand anymore, I cling to my friends who obviously still care. Only a few though, but isn't that all that matters that you got at least somebody who listens to you whining when you feel like you have to? I really would be lost without my friend Liza who is currently going through the same.